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My Dad was for the most part during his life a very difficult and angry person. While I was growing up we all walked on pins and needles as the old expression goes. It seemed like there was never anyway to please my Dad.
I always envied the other kids as their Dads took them to ball games and took that extra time to make then feel important and support their interests. The only thing that my Dad and I ever did together was go fishing. He loved fishing and I was his constant companion.
During our fishing trips it was more like a boot camp for fishing then anything else. It was always sit there and watch the tip of your pole or you are not paying attention to what I am telling you. And … what the @%#& are you doing now? This is the last time I am taking you fishing!
As time went on and I got older I was a disciplined soldier that moved with ease and determination with every cast. I could do it all when it came to fishing and even enjoyed my trips with my father as he recognized my fishing prowess. However, This was the only time I enjoyed myself in his presence. He ridiculed my friends in front of them and was truly that one individual that everyone tried to dodge. You never knew what would set him off or what he might say.
Time went on and I soon was a father with children. He hated kids! Even his own grandchildren. I believe I was a good father and a good example for my children and even though I traveled a lot during their growing years, I spent a great deal of time with them and my wife. Thank God we did not have a dysfunctional family. We did not see my dad often as the kids would cry if we even mentioned to them we might go see my father. Of course I talked to him on many occasions about the effect he had on everybody… But it was to no avail!
Approximately 30 years later my father at the age of 82 passed away. Even though he had mellowed out a lot in his finale years, the emotional damage he did to all of us was still a large burden to bear. I told my mother that I had nothing to say at his funeral as I didn’t wish to say anything that was not the truth and I didn’t want to disparage him either with a lot of negative talk; as that is the only thing that anyone who knew him would believe. After the funeral was over I started thinking about my dad and what could have really been said that was good about him. I was so desensitized by him throughout my life concerning my feelings for him that I could not see the forest through the trees.
Today the most enjoyable thing that I like to do is fish. I make my own fishing rods and am very efficient at the sport. My daughter loves to fish and my grandchildren look as if they will follow in my footsteps. For all of this I thank my poor Dad. I find myself fishing at a near by lake helping the young kids and even their fathers who never got a chance to fish with their Dad when they were kids.
Dad, if I had it to do over again, I would have stood up and told all that were there at your funeral that I had a great Dad who took me fishing and taught me the value of this great sport. I “FORGIVE YOU” Father for not coming to any of my baseball games or playing catch with me. You were always a great provider working two job for many years so your children could have things we needed in our young life’s. Thank you Dad! Your son
PS.. Dad, I caught a 23 inch Rainbow trout my last time out.
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