Growing Up
I grew up in Goldbar, Washington with my mom, stepdad and younger brother. My mom and her husband at the time bought a restaurant and they were always gone since it was such a demanding business. I was home alone a lot and could do whatever I wanted.

Rebellious Teenager
I loved movies and I loved role play. I idolized rockers and the hard-core lifestyle they lived and I wanted to be apart of it. I would sneak out to parties on the weekends and one thing led to another and I tried my first line of meth. I was only 15 at the time, and some kids offered it to me at a party. I was curious about drugs, so it was an easy sell.

That one line of meth started me on a path of getting high at school and then eventually dropping out all together. Classes interfered with my drug life. What I thought was normal behavior was not normal at all. I was 17, out of control, addicted to drugs and in the mists of all of this, I became pregnant with my son, Isaiah.

My Life on Meth
All I wanted to do was hang out and get high – and I could never get high enough. Sometimes I would be up for days, smoking constantly. When I’d finally come down, I was totally depleted. I would barely get out of bed for weeks. I even tried to stay sober at one point. I got a job at a local gas station to support myself, but after a month I started using again. I couldn’t hold my job because I was too sick and too high to function.

My boyfriend was a meth cook, which made it easy for me to abuse the drug. I was living on the doorstep of death everyday, almost unknowingly because I had no idea how toxic and explosive the chemicals used to make meth were at the time.

We lived wherever he could cook meth – in the woods, camping in tents or in trailers, even under tarps in a hollowed out tree trunk. Isaiah sadly remembers this time, and he’ll say, “I didn’t have my own room, but I had my own tent.”

Falling Apart
I tried to lead a regular life, but I found that on meth, even the simplest things were impossible. My apartment looked like someone had taken everything I owned, shook

it up and dropped it on the floor. I could barely walk through the piles of garbage, dirty dishes, clothes and knickknacks.

I never ate or slept. I was severely thin because I wasn’t taking care of myself at all. I’m 5’7”, and at one point I was about 110 pounds. I was also once hospitalized with a kidney infection.

Isaiah was also living among this filth and neglect. I really did want the best for my child, and on meth I simply could not be a mother. I was angry and irritable all the time, constantly aggravated, frustrated, yelling and screaming. I chased an ex-boyfriend down with an ax and even tried to kill myself on the train tracks.

I know many women who’ve had their children taken away, even mothers who chose to give their kids up to the system. I know women who have literally lost their minds because of meth and I was becoming one of them. I had no patience – especially for own son. It was with this realization that I knew I had to change my life.

Finding Help
I went home to live with my mother and get clean. I tried to get my boyfriend to come to rehab with me, but my efforts failed. I also went to the state to find mental health help and I went in for a drug and alcohol assessment. After going through this, the woman running the program left it up to me to do some outpatient treatment, and it changed my life.

I took recovery seriously and attended as many 12-step meetings as possible – sometimes five meetings a day – anything to get me through it without using. I also joined a program that taught me basic life skills. I lived at a center for nine months, taking classes on budgeting and parenting. The idea of being self-sufficient was mind-boggling. I was terrified to even set a goal for myself. At first, I hated the daily chores and meeting curfew, but then I started to get it. In exchange for room and board and support, following the rules was a small price to pay for a chance at a new life.

My Life Today
I am now going back to school and working part-time. My case manager meets with me once a week to set and review my goals and with her support, I have achieved many of them. I am also taking the absolute best care of my son. We finally have our own home and for the first time in his life, Isaiah has is own room.

When I sit down to pay my bills, I’m just so grateful. Paying my bills every month means that I am a responsible adult and mom. My dream is to complete school and support Isaiah without any assistance. I am so lucky to have a second chance.

When I look at my son, I am so proud. I know that I’ll be there for him. That’s something I could never promise him before. I am someone that he can depend on. I have the direction to achieve great things—and I will!

To Everyone Out There
In the beginning, meth gave me a feeling of euphoria. In the end, it just made me feel hollow and empty. Now I want to inspire hope in the families who know someone with an addiction like mine. People get stuck, and it’s important to give them hope to get out of it.

Don’t give up – miracles happen everyday.

Tags: addict, drug stories, meth
Categories: Misc Madness, Drugs R Bad mmK?