1) “Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.” (Sharon Stone)

2) “Clinton lied A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” (Barbara Bush, former US First Lady)

3) “Ah, yes, divorce….from the Latin word meaning to rip out a mans’ genitals through his wallet.”
(Robin Williams)

4) “Women need a reason to have sex….Men just need a place.” (Billy Crystal)

5) “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman that I don’t like and just give her a house.”
(Rod Stewart)

6) “On the one hand, we’ll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.”
(Bruce Willis - on the difference between men and women)

7) “And God said: Let there be Satan, so people don’t blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don’t blame everything on Satan.” (George Burns)

8) “My girlfriend always laughs during sex… no matter what she’s reading.” (Steve Jobs, Founder, Apple
Computers)

9) “I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it. I said, Thyroid problem?” (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

10) “Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.” (Tiger Woods)

11) “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-b***h.” (Jack Nicholson)

12) “According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do in front of other women They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful.” (Robert De Niro)

13) “In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women’s breasts?” (Hugh Grant)

14) “There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” (Dustin Hoffman)

15) “There’s very little advice in men magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” (Jerry Seinfeld)

16) “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
(Robin Williams)

Categories: Misc Madness, Jokes R Us