When it comes to making excuses, I think fat people are the second most adept at it, after German ex-soldiers. Seriously, they will try and think up any reason that doesn’t involve blaming themselves to explain why they are so humungously fucking fat. While we were gathering discussion topics for Station Nation, Danman came across an article detailing the latest fatty excuse, and it’s a doozy. It’s such a doozy, in fact, that I’ve decided to write a whole response to it on these fair pages. A link to the article can be found here, but I will naturally provide you with the pertinant information so you don’t have to exhaust precious energy in clicking a link:
“Another hurdle to exercise: embarrassment
Fear of looking fat, silly prevents many people from breaking a sweat.

Tripping and falling off the treadmill at the gym has made Debbie Holman self-conscious about working out in public. She’s afraid she’ll humiliate herself again by flubbing up on the equipment.

But her greatest worry is what other gym-goers might think about her weight.”

Ladies and gentlemen, fat women are not losing weight because they’re scared of looking like they need to lose weight. This is truly the pinnacle we’re seeing now, the pinnacle of the pathetic. Of all the “barriers” that these greedy, lazy fuckers can think of, actually being afraid of… looking fat is the latest and greatest excuse they can pull out of their cavernous, gargantuan behinds. There is just so much wrong with this that I don’t know where to begin. It’s a huge responsibility, having this much stupidity to set right, and I want to make sure I do it right. Human civilisation as we know it as stake! I think I’ll start with the most important fact that needs to be said -
YOU FAT FUCKERS HAVE ONLY YOURSELVES TO BLAME FOR BEING FAT YOU FAT FUCKERS!
I don’t know if you guys ever noticed, but I’m fat. I really am quite, quite fat. There’s a reason why I’m fat, too, a perfectly valid and rational explanation. It’s because I am very greedy and very lazy. I like to eat vast quantities of food and I absolutely abhor excercise. Does it worry me sometimes? Yeah it does, but I’m not going to do anything about it in the near future, because I’m so disgustingly lethargic. I’m so lazy that sometimes I’ll actually expend energy in not doing something. I could get in shape if I felt like it, and probably not only be healthier, but look a darn sight more attractive to boot. Yet I won’t. I won’t because I can’t be bothered. But when I die of my heart attacked at thirty two, you know who I’ll blame? I shan’t blame Pizza Go Go, I won’t blame Coke, I’ll blame me. It’ll be my fault and mine alone. It’s my fault that my clothes cost more than normal people’s, it’s my fault that a flight of stairs is a cause for concern, just like it’s my fault if I don’t fight the urge to have another LP-sized disc of dough dripping in cheese and sordidly delicious corruption.

The point is, I have no excuse. My body is my responsibility, and while I don’t have to like it or I don’t have to enjoy having things thrown at me from passing cars just for the way I look, I do at least have to accept that the way I look is down to me and me alone. There’s no reason why I can’t work out and cut down on my food, other than the fact that I don’t want to. This is something that all these other fat fucks need to admit to themselves. By all means, feel bad about it, go right ahead and lament the unfair judgment of fat people, but accept that something can be done about it. One just has to get off their ever-growing arses and do it.
“”My big old tree-trunk legs are [an] embarrassment,” says Holman, 28, of Lockport, Ill. “When I go to a kickboxing class or aerobics class where there are walls of mirrors, I just want to be sick, especially when I am hiding in the back of the class and the skinny little girls up front, who are not afraid of the mirrors, look at me with disgust.”"
Oh cry me a fucking river. A river of grease, because I assume that’s what squeezes out of your tear ducts, you wobble-bottomed sow. Wow, you’re embarrassed about your weight, what a bloody surprise. I’ll have to telephone The News of The World and let them know that some fat bitch who’s heading toward her thirties is embarrassed about what a big fat fucking bitch she is. But this stupid whore really isn’t making things easier on herself. If you’re fucking fat, don’t go to aerobics and kickboxing classes. KICKBOXING! Are you fucking stupid as well as grotesque? Listen, the problem here isn’t because you’re fat, it’s because you’re fat and you’re doing KICKBOXING AND AEROBICS. If you need a visual guide to the issue at hand, then here, from me to you…

YOU LOOK LIKE THIS…

AND YOU ARE WEARING ONE OF THESE…

Do you think, maybe, you understand now why it might be a problem for you? You’re fucking asking for trouble if you’re overweight in spandex. This brings me to my other important point here - You don’t have to go to a gym to lose weight, you stupid sheep. You wanna do some excercise? That’s what 3am was invented for, you idiots. Put on some sweats and go out for a run under cover of darkness so nobody can see your flabby cheeks bounce up off your face and hit you in the eyes. It’s free of charge, it’s easy to do, and there’s barely any chance of getting yourself judged. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going out for a run, or at the very least a walk. You don’t have to wear a leotard, you don’t have to stand in a room full of judgemental skinny females and you don’t have fall off a treadmill in a scene that could probably only have been described as hilarious.

Who said you have to subscribe to classes and regimes in order to lose weight? You wanna lose weight, stop fucking eating. It’s that simple. Stop eating, do a little exercise. That’s all you or I would ever have to do, but we really, really don’t want to, do we? The difference between me and Mrs. Fern Gully Legs is that I’m willing to accept my blame for being a fat bastard and she isn’t. Unless you have a legitimate medical complaint that leads to weight gain, then you have nothing but lame excuses to hide behind. About the only thing you could hide behind too, you fat fuck.

I’m sick of talking about these idiots. I’m going to get another glass of coke.

Tags: fat women, rant
Categories: Random Rant, LOL, Commentary