1. Take a good look at your wardrobe. This is what NOT to wear: Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, American Eagle, Banana Republic, J.Crew, etc. Hell, do you see any rappers wearing this? Go for Echo, Rocawear, Sean John, Baby Phat, etc
2. Work on your grooming. Men should not have long or shaggy hair, you can’t be a pimp and look like one of the beatles. So a nice short haircut will do. Women, wear something nice that shows off your your beautiful earrings something basic and do not overdo the makeup. You do not want to look like a slut. Women should have a pretty and unique manicure whether it’s short or long or airbrushed. Men need to be cleanly shaven and for that matter so do women, just in other areas. Facials are a good way for both male and female to keep a clear complexion, cause we don’t want to look at any zits.
3. Look at the shoes. Throw out any pair that is over 2 years old. Keep your shoes nice. Tennis shoes should constantly be cleaned, do not wear dress shoes to just anywhere. Be careful where you walk, and most importantly do not wear good shoes when it is raining. Try Jordans, Nikes, Timberlands, etc.
4. Choose the right music. There is strictly only one genre of music that a pimp listens to and that is rap/hip hop/R&B. Anything that has black people singing will do. No rock, country, alternative, punk, none of that.
5. Don’t just date one person at a time. If it is a Friday night, you should have at least 3 dates lined up. Get a planner/schedule book because pimps keep their women/men straight. You can’t be slippin up on these things. And if you don’t have a cell you better get one because you sure as hell are gonna need one.
6. Learn to be a smooth talker. Men/women love a funny, suave, and sophisticated date. So read up on current events before going out. You need to know what is going on to keep conversations alive.
7. Don’t stress and be uptight. You have to act like you are in control even if you are not. A pimp never sweats it.
8. To be a pimp, you must always think ahead. When you are hanging out, come up with something to say to every person in the vicinity. Be ready to ‘clown’ someone if they question your pimpitude. Always use like or as during the ‘diss’. Only bring someone’s moms in to the insult if you are ready to throw hands.
9. The key to being a pimp, is knowing that you are a pimp. When you question your pimpnicity, others will too.
10. If you say something stupid, follow it up with, “at least that’s what told me.”

Tips

• Always apply ample amounts of lotion to skin, nobody wants an ashy pimp.
• Do not wear white athletic socks with dress clothes.
• No shoes with buckles.
• Don’t be afraid to shell out money, pimps are loaded with it, so get a good paying job.

Warnings

• Do not shop at LandsEnd, L.L.Bean, J.C.Penny, Sears, or any discount or thrift shop.
• Always recognize when you are outpimped. If your pimpness is in danger, change your station-quick.

Tags: lame, learn to pimp, pimping
Categories: Misc Madness, LOL, Huge TimeWaster