I have nothing against fat people. You’re fat, fine, deal with it. I’m not going to discriminate against you because you’re fat. Fat people have every right to do what any other person has the right to do. Fat people are people too.

The type of fat people that I have a problem with are the one’s I like to call FCB’s, or fat cocky bitches. These are the girls who will wear the tightest, most revealing clothing, totally unaware of their fat ass nature, and walk around like they are god’s gift to men. These are the girls I hate with a passion.

Now, I’m all for self-confidence. If you have assets, by all means show them off. But at least show some fucking modesty and humility if your fat ass rolls are hanging out the bottom of your shirt and your skirt is doing the best it can to contain the abomination that is your ass. It’s disgusting and it’s a travesty. Its public indecency is what it is.

Now you may say, well PiMpALiZe, You’re probably not the world’s best looking guy either. And its true, I’m not. God has chosen not to bless with me good looks, athletic ability or a fully functional brain (bonus for identifying this reference). But I don’t walk around in skin-tight clothing to reveal my somewhat large muscles buried under moderate fat and hit on girls who I know I have no chance with whatsoever.

The following is a perfect example to illustrate my point.

I’m at a local bar after work, just hanging out, having a drink, taking it easy. The Razorbacks game is on. I’m a big basketball fan, so naturally, I’m enthralled in the game. All of a sudden, my peripheral vision picks up this human blob sauntering over towards me. My internal alarm activates. FCB! Whoop whoop! FCB, whoop whoop! I try to avoid eye contact, but can see that this fat ass floozy is making her way over.

This was an FCB if I’ve ever seen one. Her tits were hanging out of the tube top she kept pulling up as she walked over. Her tight ass skirt, which revealed half her ass mind you, was literally being sucked into her ass crack so it looked like she was practically wearing a thong. It was like her ass was Jabba the Hut and it was slowly consuming the garment, enjoying each and every bite. Her skirt particles were hanging on for dear life. And to top it all off, her shirt said “90% Princess Angel” on it. I believe this implies that she was 10% devil. I shuddered.

FCB: Listen up big’un.
I look up.
FCB: You wanna buy me drink right?
Me: Actually, I’m just here to watch the game miss.
FCB: Excuuuse me? I’m axing you to buy me a drink big’un.
Okay that’s the second time she called me big’un.
Me: Look I don’t appreciate being called big’un. I just want to have my drink and watch the game.
FCB: Is it because you can’t handle me big’un? Is that what it is? Is my body too bootylicious for you?
She then proceeds to sit on my lap and runs her hands down her body, as if this is supposed to increase her sex appeal. In fact, it is the perfect method for inducing vomiting.
Me (enunciating each word): I-don’t-want-to-buy-you-a-drink. Understand?
FCB: You can’t get wit this! You can’t get wit this!
She doesn’t understand.
My internal implosion becomes an external explosion.
Me: are you a retard you dimwitted fat fuck?? I don’t want to buy you a drink. No one wants to bye you a drink. No one will ever want to buy you a drink. You’re not a fucking princess! Not even Mario would save your fat ass. Get the fuck off my lap, go put on a jacket, sit in the corner, and SHUT THE FUCK UP!

I look at her, breathing hard. She gets off.

The whole bar is looking at us. I made quite a scene.

FCB: You not even ready for ma jelly!
She then goes on to kiss her palm, and slap her ass and she walks away.

I sighed. I hate fat cocky bitches.

Categories: Misc Madness, Random Rant, LOL, Huge TimeWaster