Archive for the 'Flippin' Idiot!' category
The Funniest Truth Ad Ever.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007 12:13 amTom Cruise is the Jesus of Scientology - WWTCD
Friday, January 26, 2007 6:25 pm
It’s official - Tom Cruise is divine. In a week in which we hardly need reminding that religion is the answer, not the problem, there is excellent news for imbeciles, or “Scientologists” as the sect’s leaders euphemistically insist on referring to its followers. Specifically, Tom Cruise is the new Jesus. Right backatcha, Richard Dawkins!
If you believe reports, the deeply sane Mission Impossible star has been told by church bigwigs that he is the “chosen one”, and destined to spread the word of Scientology around the world. Cynics are instructed to put aside the image of Terry Jones squawking, “He’s not the Messiah, he’s a very disturbed man!” and just acknowledge how much more resonant the whole water-into-wine thing would have been if Jesus had been able to do cool bar tricks like Tom’s character in Cocktail. Or, perhaps, like Tom’s commanding officer in Top Gun, you believe Jesus’s ego was writing cheques his body couldn’t cash, and that the whole Messiah myth will be reinvigorated by an entertainment personality with a better understanding of the need for an “up” ending.
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Wisconsin Web Site Kicks Sand in Faces of GIs in Iraq
Tuesday, January 23, 2007 1:25 am
An American GI assigned to one of the harshest posts in Iraq had a simple request last week for a Wisconsin mattress company: send some floor mats to help ease the hardship of sleeping on the cold, bug-infested ground.
What he got, instead, was a swift kick from the company’s Web site, which not only refused the request but added insult to injury with the admonition, “If you were sensible, you and your troops would pull out of Iraq.”
Army Sgt. Jason Hess, stationed in Taji, Iraq, with the 1st Cavalry Division, said he emailed his request to Discount-mats.com because he and his fellow soldiers sleep on the cold ground, which contains sand mites, sand flies and other disease carriers.
In his email, dated Jan. 16, 2007, he asked the Web-based company, registered to Faisal Khetani, an American Muslim of Pakistani descent:
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2006 Darwin Award Winners for Dead Dumbasses
Friday, January 19, 2007 9:17 pm
9. In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.
8. A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who “totally zoned when he ran,” accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.
7. Buxton, NC: A man died on a when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug caved in on him. -goers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the , on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
6. Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle s hop he was burglarizing onto the floor. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth - to keep his hands free - rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
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ASK THE READERS : Friend Drops Phone in Port O Potty
Sunday, December 31, 2006 6:27 pm
Ok, so my friend and I are at the Chiefs - Jagoffuars game today… Drinking Beers, Bar-B-Qin up some Brats… throwing a football around. Getting a nice pregame buzz on, before throwing down $8.50 a beer. So, about 5 beers in, each. Its about 11:45am, so we making it toward Arrowhead.
Ah, we see the port-o-potty… we gots ta piss, yo. So, I go in… and notice that someone had just barfed. Nasty. So, I take my piss, and get out. Well, my friend, The Doctah, goes into piss. He pulls his coat back, and knocks the cellphone off his belt loop into the Blue Goo of PortOPotty Hell.
Oh man, Here is the question… would you go after it? He just bought the phone end of November… so phone is a couple days past the 30 day warranty… He just paid $350 for the Smart phone. 2.1 MegaPixel camera, Mp3 player, with Video, etc… Top notch phone. In the Puke, piss and shit of the JOhnny on the Spot… Would you grab it?
Imagine putting that shit infested phone up to your ear to another year. Me, I would have counted it as a loss. I wouldnt have reached in after it. heh.
Would You??
Raunch Dressing- Mmm Spunk Salad.
Saturday, December 16, 2006 1:02 amIllinois H.S. senior to be charged for de-fouling creamy condiment
DECEMBER 15–Here’s one letter from the school principal that you don’t want junior bringing home. Seems that a male student at Illinois’s Wheaton North High School recently added an ingredient to a container of ranch salad dressing in the school cafeteria, according to a December 14 letter to parents by Principal Jill Bullo. The student who added the special sauce, Marco Castro, 17, is facing two misdemeanor charges, for which he will surrender to the Wheaton Police Department Monday. For other unsettling letters from school, click here and here. (1 page)
Man rams Portland Police, upset about NOT being pulled over
Monday, December 11, 2006 11:17 pm
12:57 PM PST on Saturday, December 9, 2006
Think getting a speeding ticket is upsetting? Well, not getting pulled over for speeding made a Portland man so angry he decided repeatedly ramming his car into a Police cruiser might be a better way of getting the authorities’ attention.
Portland Police Spokesperson Brian Schmautz said shortly after 5:00 p.m. Friday night officers at the Northeast Precinct on NE Emerson St. got a call that someone had just hit one of their patrol cars, then backed up and hit it again.
The officers went outside and saw an abandoned Honda Civic that happened to be right next to the damaged patrol car.
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WICHITA — A Wichita man called 911 to report that he was the victim of an armed robbery. The theft? A pound of marijuana worth about $1,100 that he had been trying to sell at his home. The victim told police that a buyer had pulled out a sawed-off shotgun and stole the drugs. Police brought in a drug-sniffing dog to the house and located more marijuana and drug paraphernalia. The victim was booked into Sedgwick County jail on several charges, including possession with the intent to sell drug. The thief hasn’t been found.
In other news, the collective IQ of Wichita is at all-time high.
